Why am I all of those things? Well, school is starting tomorrow. I'm terrified for Ren to be beginning school. I mean terrified to the point of heartburn and sleepless nights. I realize that some of it is unnecessary worry, but his preschool year keeps running through my head.
You see, while the majority of the school year was wonderful, Ren did have his issues. On more than one occasion he had an outburst or tantrum. Neither of these things are pretty and were always followed by either a phone call from the teacher or notes home. It made me feel like the worst parent ever. It also hurt my little man's confidence slightly. He would cry when I picked him up saying things like "no one likes me Mommy" or if I ask him who he played with that day he would respond "no one wants to play with me except (insert his 3 friends names here)". I would come home, feed the kids lunch and put them down for naps then head off to my bedroom and sob. I know it's not my fault or even his fault he has his issues, but it still hurt my heart to see my little man crushed at such an early age.
Now, as the school year has been quickly approaching my nerves are nearly shot! We have done all we can do by getting him into a school that isn't so "by the book" in the way they teach. We've met with his behavior specialist and his teacher to lay out some ideas on how to deal with any behaviors that may arise. Neither the specialist, nor his teacher are all that worried. His teacher even said today that she is used to kids who have mild behavior issues and thanked us for letting her know ahead of time. She reassured us that we are being proactive by telling her about his behavior up front and getting him into the school that he will likely thrive in. This did help me with my nervousness, but not completely.
Oh, I know deep down inside that over the past year Ren has matured. I also know that the way a child acts with their parents differ greatly from how they behave in school or around other people. I KNOW all of these things and yet here I sit almost in tears worried about weather or not he will make it through an entire school day (we have all day Kindergarten) without incident. Will he make it through lunch without getting frustrated with opening a package. Will he make it safely home on the bus? 1,000 questions and no answers, just worries.
I know I probably sound like a worry wart Mom and I guess I am. I'm trying to "give up" the worry and let it float away. I'm thinking calming, serene thoughts and envisioning him smiling, happy and having a great time. I'm trying to be positive despite all my worries. I'm trying and I guess that's all I can really do.
Do you have any worries or thoughts about your kids returning to school? Please share so I don't feel like the I'm the only worrisome parent out there. Thanks!
Oh, and please don't think I'm a super bad parent by not worrying about A as well. I have my worries about her too, but they aren't nearly as bad as the ones I have for Ren.
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Ren's diagnosis
A few weeks ago, I introduced you toRen. During the little blurb I wrote I mentioned that we recently had him tested. It was for a number of reasons. To be quite frank and honest, hubs and I were at a loss. We had tried everything when it came to teaching, discipline, attentiveness and just behavior in general. We felt like parenting failures. The first few weeks Ren was in preschool seemed to agree with our parenting failure. He was misbehaving. He was crying a lot. He was...unhappy. We were too.
Now, I want to say that there were other things going on with Ren. It wasn't just behavior, but for the sake of blogging, that's all I'm going to touch on. Believe it or not, I may blog but I'm still quite a private person.
To say Ren's behavior was out of control is putting it mildly. He was beyond out of control. During a pediatrician appointment, I mentioned that hubs and I were having issues surrounding Ren. She suggested that we take him to a psychologist and have him evaluated. So, we did. The results both shocked us and didn't surprise us at all.
They came back that he had a "mild case" of Attention Deficit Disorder. We weren't shocked by this at all. Ren jumps from topic to topic when speaking. He rarely sits still and demands attention all the time. What the doctor said next took us completely by surprise though. While explaining that Ren's "issues" could be handled easier since he was very young, he mentioned that he shows signs for ADD because he's bored. What? Bored? Upon further explanation, he said Ren tested high on the tests as well. When we ask questions the doctor said yes, Ren is in the gifted category of learners. I. was. shocked. I knew he caught on to lessons and concepts easily, I just never thought about it that way.
Since having the evaluation, Ren is meeting every couple of weeks with a counselor whom he adores. She is helping hubs and I with tools to help Ren with his behavior. We are using a reward system for good behavior and now deal with him on a reasoning level more than the old "I'm your parent and you do it this way" idea. The best part of all this is that it is working! Now he can't wait to go to school and learn because when he has a "good day" he gets a coupon. Once 5 coupons are collected he gets a bigger reward! Of course, we have been adding more and more challenges to earn a coupon. It's a terrific system! We also reason with him more. Instead of letting him know he did something wrong, we tell him what he did wrong. We then give him examples of "good" behavior. For example, instead of just screaming because his sister took his toy, he now says "please don't take my toy, it's not nice. Give it back please". The progress in the short time is amazing! Our son has gone from a kid people avoided to a kid people like.
While we are thrilled with the diagnosis of gifted and finding new ways/techniques to help out with the ADD, we have some decisions coming in the next few months. While Ren is excelling at Catholic school (just like his sister), the rules and regulations are a little hard for him to adhere to. He's not a trouble maker or anything, but it was mentioned by the psychologist that we "might want to" look into a Montessori school for him. They said Montessori's tend to challenge gifted kids yet are really good at keeping the attention of a child with ADD (especially one whose parents ARE NOT going the drug route).
We haven't shared his results with everyone, but I'm sharing it with you. Mostly because I am afraid of what family/friends may say about it. Judging can be worst when it's by those you love the most. We also don't want everyone to treat him differently just because of 3 letters. What we are doing is continuing to raise our kids. We're taking things day by day and utilizing the tools suggested by the therapist. We're living our lives....
**I will update again about school and such as spring approaches. Thanks for letting me share!**
Now, I want to say that there were other things going on with Ren. It wasn't just behavior, but for the sake of blogging, that's all I'm going to touch on. Believe it or not, I may blog but I'm still quite a private person.
To say Ren's behavior was out of control is putting it mildly. He was beyond out of control. During a pediatrician appointment, I mentioned that hubs and I were having issues surrounding Ren. She suggested that we take him to a psychologist and have him evaluated. So, we did. The results both shocked us and didn't surprise us at all.
They came back that he had a "mild case" of Attention Deficit Disorder. We weren't shocked by this at all. Ren jumps from topic to topic when speaking. He rarely sits still and demands attention all the time. What the doctor said next took us completely by surprise though. While explaining that Ren's "issues" could be handled easier since he was very young, he mentioned that he shows signs for ADD because he's bored. What? Bored? Upon further explanation, he said Ren tested high on the tests as well. When we ask questions the doctor said yes, Ren is in the gifted category of learners. I. was. shocked. I knew he caught on to lessons and concepts easily, I just never thought about it that way.
Since having the evaluation, Ren is meeting every couple of weeks with a counselor whom he adores. She is helping hubs and I with tools to help Ren with his behavior. We are using a reward system for good behavior and now deal with him on a reasoning level more than the old "I'm your parent and you do it this way" idea. The best part of all this is that it is working! Now he can't wait to go to school and learn because when he has a "good day" he gets a coupon. Once 5 coupons are collected he gets a bigger reward! Of course, we have been adding more and more challenges to earn a coupon. It's a terrific system! We also reason with him more. Instead of letting him know he did something wrong, we tell him what he did wrong. We then give him examples of "good" behavior. For example, instead of just screaming because his sister took his toy, he now says "please don't take my toy, it's not nice. Give it back please". The progress in the short time is amazing! Our son has gone from a kid people avoided to a kid people like.
While we are thrilled with the diagnosis of gifted and finding new ways/techniques to help out with the ADD, we have some decisions coming in the next few months. While Ren is excelling at Catholic school (just like his sister), the rules and regulations are a little hard for him to adhere to. He's not a trouble maker or anything, but it was mentioned by the psychologist that we "might want to" look into a Montessori school for him. They said Montessori's tend to challenge gifted kids yet are really good at keeping the attention of a child with ADD (especially one whose parents ARE NOT going the drug route).
We haven't shared his results with everyone, but I'm sharing it with you. Mostly because I am afraid of what family/friends may say about it. Judging can be worst when it's by those you love the most. We also don't want everyone to treat him differently just because of 3 letters. What we are doing is continuing to raise our kids. We're taking things day by day and utilizing the tools suggested by the therapist. We're living our lives....
**I will update again about school and such as spring approaches. Thanks for letting me share!**
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