My reality is back!

This summer was awful.  Terrible.  I would rank it up there with one of my least favorite summers ever.  There are a number of reasons.  Many are trivial and silly, but they were reasons nonetheless.

That being said, my reality is back!  My schedule, routine, predictable days are back again.  You have no idea how happy this makes me.

I had a really rough summer emotionally.  I'm not going to sugar coat it.  There were days when I just couldn't get out of bed.  I was worried.  Chuck was worried.  Andrea was worried.  So, I relented and went to the doctor (after our new insurance started because otherwise we would have been broke).  I was told that I had a mild case of depression, but no drugs were needed.  It wasn't a surprise, but then again it was.  The only time I've had depressive symptoms was after having Ren and long ago when I miscarried.  Both times were hormonal based.  This time, it wasn't.  This was my funk.

After the visit to the doc, I did a little 'soul searching'.  I realized that I was allowing Chuck's weird work schedule, the kids misbehavior, and lack of a routine really get to me.  My diet had suffered.  I had gained back almost 8 pounds that I'd fought so hard to lose.  I needed to find myself and quick.  Which I have, sort of.

I have been changing things.  Going back to what I know works.  I got rid of all the 'junk' food in the house.  I went on a mini shopping spree at the farmer's market.  I've signed up to take a yoga class and zumba at the Y.  I may have a new workout partner.

I took it upon myself to change things.  I did it purposefully.  I chose to not allow things beyond my control dictate my mood.  I truly believe this has been my biggest issue.  So many things changed this summer and well, I'm kind of a control freak.  There I said it.  It drives me bonkers when I can't control something.

Now that school has begun for the older two.  CS heads to pre-k next week and I will have a grand total of 2 1/2 hours three days a week to myself.  Life has returned to routine.  School, soccer, gymnastics, working out, menu planning and all those things that make my life happy are back.

The best part?  I haven't wanted to go back to bed since the changes.  Well, let me clarify that.  I haven't wanted to just curl up in bed and cry until I go to sleep.

I'm back to my reality...and it feels wonderful!

Mommy Confession ~ I haven't been myself

I think it's time I can share something with everyone.  I haven't been myself recently.  Oh, I've tried.  I've acted the part.  I've pretended.  Yet, deep down, I've just felt very blah.  Not depressed.  Not sad.  Just blah.  

I'm not sure the reason.  Although, I'm thinking various stressors in my life may have something to do with it.  All stressors that are out of my control, yet are directly affecting me.  For those reasons (and others), I've just not been myself. 

Here is a brief insight into me and my personality (normally).  Typically, I'm chatty.  I'm happy.  I smile a lot.  I laugh.  I'm kind of a smart butt.  I listen.  I take charge (thank you Miami U. and you're awesome Leadership programs!).  I plan everything, yet can still go with the flow.  I'm me.

Here is my attitude since March-ish.  Moody.  Aggravated.  Pessimistic.  Tired.  I also have very low energy.  I mean really low. 

I realize that sounds like the poster child for depression right?  Well, I did seek out medical advice and according to my doc, it isn't depression.  I'm just allowing things that are out of my control have influence over me.  (Doc disclaimer: I've seen my doc since I was a teen.  I know her, she knows me.  I love her!)  To hear that was music to my ears.  I suffered really bad PPD after having Ren, so I was thankful it wasn't depression.  My next question to her was "So, how do I fix it?  Any suggestions?" 

She recommended that I start planning my days again.  Yup, that helped a TON!  She also suggested I try to weed out drama in my life.  Easier said than done.  Lastly, she suggested I stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  That I let stuff beyond my control go. 

So what am I doing?  I'm trying.  I have started planning things again.  I am selectively allowing drama into my life.  If something doesn't concern me or is beyond my control then I don't worry.  I've been relaxing (a lot!).  I've been enjoying my family and friends. 

I'm trying.  That's all I can do.  I am feeling almost 100% again (so look out people!).  Although, the energy still isn't there.  Basically, I'm changing my outlook for the better.  I'm surrounding myself with people who encourage, not the other way around.  I'm trying.