Mommy Confession ~ I haven't been myself

I think it's time I can share something with everyone.  I haven't been myself recently.  Oh, I've tried.  I've acted the part.  I've pretended.  Yet, deep down, I've just felt very blah.  Not depressed.  Not sad.  Just blah.  

I'm not sure the reason.  Although, I'm thinking various stressors in my life may have something to do with it.  All stressors that are out of my control, yet are directly affecting me.  For those reasons (and others), I've just not been myself. 

Here is a brief insight into me and my personality (normally).  Typically, I'm chatty.  I'm happy.  I smile a lot.  I laugh.  I'm kind of a smart butt.  I listen.  I take charge (thank you Miami U. and you're awesome Leadership programs!).  I plan everything, yet can still go with the flow.  I'm me.

Here is my attitude since March-ish.  Moody.  Aggravated.  Pessimistic.  Tired.  I also have very low energy.  I mean really low. 

I realize that sounds like the poster child for depression right?  Well, I did seek out medical advice and according to my doc, it isn't depression.  I'm just allowing things that are out of my control have influence over me.  (Doc disclaimer: I've seen my doc since I was a teen.  I know her, she knows me.  I love her!)  To hear that was music to my ears.  I suffered really bad PPD after having Ren, so I was thankful it wasn't depression.  My next question to her was "So, how do I fix it?  Any suggestions?" 

She recommended that I start planning my days again.  Yup, that helped a TON!  She also suggested I try to weed out drama in my life.  Easier said than done.  Lastly, she suggested I stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  That I let stuff beyond my control go. 

So what am I doing?  I'm trying.  I have started planning things again.  I am selectively allowing drama into my life.  If something doesn't concern me or is beyond my control then I don't worry.  I've been relaxing (a lot!).  I've been enjoying my family and friends. 

I'm trying.  That's all I can do.  I am feeling almost 100% again (so look out people!).  Although, the energy still isn't there.  Basically, I'm changing my outlook for the better.  I'm surrounding myself with people who encourage, not the other way around.  I'm trying.