Thursday, July 22, 2010

Mommy Confession ~ I haven't been myself

I think it's time I can share something with everyone.  I haven't been myself recently.  Oh, I've tried.  I've acted the part.  I've pretended.  Yet, deep down, I've just felt very blah.  Not depressed.  Not sad.  Just blah.  

I'm not sure the reason.  Although, I'm thinking various stressors in my life may have something to do with it.  All stressors that are out of my control, yet are directly affecting me.  For those reasons (and others), I've just not been myself. 

Here is a brief insight into me and my personality (normally).  Typically, I'm chatty.  I'm happy.  I smile a lot.  I laugh.  I'm kind of a smart butt.  I listen.  I take charge (thank you Miami U. and you're awesome Leadership programs!).  I plan everything, yet can still go with the flow.  I'm me.

Here is my attitude since March-ish.  Moody.  Aggravated.  Pessimistic.  Tired.  I also have very low energy.  I mean really low. 

I realize that sounds like the poster child for depression right?  Well, I did seek out medical advice and according to my doc, it isn't depression.  I'm just allowing things that are out of my control have influence over me.  (Doc disclaimer: I've seen my doc since I was a teen.  I know her, she knows me.  I love her!)  To hear that was music to my ears.  I suffered really bad PPD after having Ren, so I was thankful it wasn't depression.  My next question to her was "So, how do I fix it?  Any suggestions?" 

She recommended that I start planning my days again.  Yup, that helped a TON!  She also suggested I try to weed out drama in my life.  Easier said than done.  Lastly, she suggested I stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  That I let stuff beyond my control go. 

So what am I doing?  I'm trying.  I have started planning things again.  I am selectively allowing drama into my life.  If something doesn't concern me or is beyond my control then I don't worry.  I've been relaxing (a lot!).  I've been enjoying my family and friends. 

I'm trying.  That's all I can do.  I am feeling almost 100% again (so look out people!).  Although, the energy still isn't there.  Basically, I'm changing my outlook for the better.  I'm surrounding myself with people who encourage, not the other way around.  I'm trying.

10 comments:

  1. Kandi, I think most women, maybe men too, go through times like this. It is important to make positive changes: schedules, weeding your mental garden and taking time for R&R. I would also encourage you to pray about these things.
    After reading your symptoms, have you ever thought about investigating your hormone and thyroid levels? You may want to call and talk to your doc about it. (Personal experience talking here, not medical.)
    AND I think you need to edit the part where you said, "I’m kind of a smart butt". Just omit 'kind of'! :) That is one of my favorite things about you friend! Own it! Love you and I will pray for you today! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, you crack me up Becky! I had my thyroid and hormones checked (I can't write the word hormones without thinking of the aunt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding...hormonies..lol) both came back fine. I've been praying a lot and it hit me one day that being happy makes you happy. I'm thinking I had a mid-thirties crisis...haha.
    Oh, and I will edit that. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love you lady- I know how it is to feel this way. A little too much lately. Know that you always have the canny group to lean on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am with you. While I know what my issue is.
    I am here for you. NO matter what. Relax it will all be over soon and you will look back and go why was I so stressed out about it.
    LOVE YA.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope you begin to get back to the 100% again. I like the advice of keeping the negative out of your life as much as possible. I try and I quote "TRY" to do the same. If I am talking to someone and they are negative or speak negative about someone I have to avoid that. I let someone in my life recently into my friendship circle that I knew from school but didn't hang around. Well, she's in our circle of friends and WELL, I wish I wouldn't of done that until I got to know her better. She has mouth vomit about everyone and causes way to much chaos in my life. I've always had the same close net friends w/ no arguments for over 15 or more yrs and for some reason am finding that this one girls is stirring up some murky water. UGH. So, anyways - I too am overcoming some current hurdles but know I will prevail since I have friends that know they can rely on me. I enjoy a positive environment it feels so much more healthier and relaxed. I do things to keep myself occupied so it keeps me out of trouble. LOL GOOD LUCK! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kandi, I think most women, maybe men too, go through times like this. It is important to make positive changes: schedules, weeding your mental garden and taking time for R&R. I would also encourage you to pray about these things.
    After reading your symptoms, have you ever thought about investigating your hormone and thyroid levels? You may want to call and talk to your doc about it. (Personal experience talking here, not medical.)
    AND I think you need to edit the part where you said, "I’m kind of a smart butt". Just omit 'kind of'! :) That is one of my favorite things about you friend! Own it! Love you and I will pray for you today! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, you crack me up Becky! I had my thyroid and hormones checked (I can't write the word hormones without thinking of the aunt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding...hormonies..lol) both came back fine. I've been praying a lot and it hit me one day that being happy makes you happy. I'm thinking I had a mid-thirties crisis...haha.
    Oh, and I will edit that. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love you lady- I know how it is to feel this way. A little too much lately. Know that you always have the canny group to lean on.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am with you. While I know what my issue is.
    I am here for you. NO matter what. Relax it will all be over soon and you will look back and go why was I so stressed out about it.
    LOVE YA.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope you begin to get back to the 100% again. I like the advice of keeping the negative out of your life as much as possible. I try and I quote "TRY" to do the same. If I am talking to someone and they are negative or speak negative about someone I have to avoid that. I let someone in my life recently into my friendship circle that I knew from school but didn't hang around. Well, she's in our circle of friends and WELL, I wish I wouldn't of done that until I got to know her better. She has mouth vomit about everyone and causes way to much chaos in my life. I've always had the same close net friends w/ no arguments for over 15 or more yrs and for some reason am finding that this one girls is stirring up some murky water. UGH. So, anyways - I too am overcoming some current hurdles but know I will prevail since I have friends that know they can rely on me. I enjoy a positive environment it feels so much more healthier and relaxed. I do things to keep myself occupied so it keeps me out of trouble. LOL GOOD LUCK! xoxo

    ReplyDelete