Thursday, February 24, 2011

7 years ago


7 years ago you left us. 

7 years ago I didn't mourn. 

7 years ago I was the strong one, just as you taught me to be. 

Every day I miss you. 

I wish you had truly "known" Chuck. 

I wish you could have met my kids. 

I remember the last words I whispered to you "Take care Old Lady, I love you and please take care of my baby" 

Yes, I had two big losses in 2 days. 

I lost the woman who raised me. 

Two days before I miscarried the baby we had "planned" for at 12 weeks. 

I was a mess. 

I was numb. 

I was strong for my family while falling apart on the inside. 

Chuck was my rock, even if he didn't truly understand himself. 

The picture above is how I will always remember you Mimi. 

So full of life, always cooking for a crowd, always helping others. 

I intentionally choose not to remember you at the nursing home. 

I attempt to forget that you had no idea who I was on my wedding day in person, 

yet you remembered my name when looking at childhood photos. 

I try to forget all the times I saw Grammy upset because of your vicious disease. 

I want to remember the Mimi who had a 6th grade education and married at 13. 

I want to remember the Mimi who taught me to sew. 

I want to remember the Mimi who said things like "hotter than a two peckered pole cat" and "busier than a one armed paper hanger" 

(those aren't the most PC things everyone, but know Mimi was from the hollers in Kentucky) 

The Mimi who taught me to read, ride a bike and made sure no one ever hurt me. 

The Mimi who raised me to be the strong willed, confident person I've become. 

I miss you every single day. 

I know I will see you again someday. 

On that day I will hug you tighter than I can imagine. 


**I was raised by my great-grandmother until around the age of 15 at which time she was put into a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease.  I do not wish for anyone to ever see someone die the slow painful death this disease brings.  I hope that someday a cure for this disease will be found because there is nothing worse than loving someone so much who has no idea who you are even on a good day** 


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