Monday, July 18, 2011

In my rabbit hole...

I don't know if rabbits actually live in holes, but I got the expression from watching Bugs Bunny.  I live in a rabbit hole most of the time.  What does that mean?  Here's my explanation and why I chose to stay there.

Pretty plain, simple and easy is that I don't like drama.  Now, some drama is unavoidable, but drama for the sake of drama isn't my cup of tea.  I don't like it.  I avoid it.  I have been known to walk away from very long friendships because of drama.

Last week I went to a really fun Mom's Night Out event hosted by a couple of ladies that I have known for several years.  It was fun, relaxing, the food was great and the company was even better.  All around me people were laughing, chatting and generally having a good time.  Me, I felt awkward, out of place and odd.  Let me stress here that those were MY personal feelings, the event itself was so fun (wouldn't want to hurt feelings). I'm not sure why I felt so out of place, I really don't.  I knew quite a few of the ladies there and had fun talking to them, but something inside me just wouldn't stop aching for me to leave.  The funny part is, several people at the event last week even ask me where I'd been hiding.  I just laughed and said "oh, I've been hiding in my rabbit hole".  Yes, I'm hiding.  I'm hiding from drama.  Not that there was any drama at the event I'm just speaking generalizations here.

To be honest, I've been feeling this way for a while.  I feel very out of touch and out of place in a lot of the social events I've attended.  I think something is up with me, but I have no idea what it is or how to get over it.  I'm not usually like this either.  Trust me when I tell you that usually, I'm a pretty outgoing person.  This whole "social awkwardness" is just well, awkward.

I'm not like this in all situations though.  I have a really great group of women I know who live in my area and I enjoy spending time chatting with them while our kids play.  I laugh and generally have a good time.  That out of place feeling never enters the picture.  It's weird and I don't have the words to explain it.  Goodness I wish I did though.

I have felt like this in the past though and it usually leads me to some change that's about to happen in my life.  The last time I felt it was right after I became a Mom.  I had a hard time transitioning from a couple to a family.  The next time I felt it was when we decided that I would stop working and stay home with the kids.  After that it was buying a house.  See the trend?  Big events, big decisions and I avoid excitement and social situations at all cost.

I also think I've been hiding because we just aren't into keeping up with the Jones'.  The last couple of months it seems everywhere I turn someone is bragging about what vacation they are going on, how exciting it is to have alone time, how much they are spending on camps for their kids, and the list goes on and on.  Then comes the question, "What are you doing this summer?"  I usually shrug and say something blanket like "oh, you know, having fun".  I'm not into bragging or braggarts.  So I intentionally avoid people who do things like this, which seems to be everyone these days.  I'm just kidding with the last statement, but I hope you know what I mean.

The last reason I've been hiding is negativity.  About 10 years ago I distanced myself from friends and family who were always negative.  They didn't have anything nice to say....ever.  They only talked about how bad their life was and how hard they had it.  I didn't buy into the woe-is-me attitude, but lately it's been creeping back into my life.  Not through choices I've made, but it seems as if a lot of people are choosing to be pessimistic instead of being thankful for all the wonderful things they have.  When negativity is surrounding me, I hide until it's gone or I do something about it to make it go away.

I'm sharing quite a bit more than I really intended to in this post.  I just got on a roll and couldn't stop.  The bottom line is, I'm digging back out of my rabbit hole and hope to be up and enjoying the sun and carrots soon!

1 comment:

  1. Andrea@mommyconfessionsblogJuly 18, 2011 at 4:35 AM

    I totally get it and understand. I heard the weather down in your rabbit hole and a cool damp 56. LOL... Sorry you felt so awkward the other night. After talking to you about it I know if I was there I would have to. BOO...Miss talking to you like we normally do. Maybe when the kids go back to school and our "normal" routines are back we can. HAHA.