Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm terrified, worried and nervous

Why am I all of those things?  Well, school is starting tomorrow.  I'm terrified for Ren to be beginning school.  I mean terrified to the point of heartburn and sleepless nights.  I realize that some of it is unnecessary worry, but his preschool year keeps running through my head.

You see, while the majority of the school year was wonderful, Ren did have his issues.  On more than one occasion he had an outburst or tantrum.  Neither of these things are pretty and were always followed by either a phone call from the teacher or notes home.  It made me feel like the worst parent ever.  It also hurt my little man's confidence slightly.  He would cry when I picked him up saying things like "no one likes me Mommy" or if I ask him who he played with that day he would respond "no one wants to play with me except (insert his 3 friends names here)".  I would come home, feed the kids lunch and put them down for naps then head off to my bedroom and sob.  I know it's not my fault or even his fault he has his issues, but it still hurt my heart to see my little man crushed at such an early age.

Now, as the school year has been quickly approaching my nerves are nearly shot!  We have done all we can do by getting him into a school that isn't so "by the book" in the way they teach.  We've met with his behavior specialist and his teacher to lay out some ideas on how to deal with any behaviors that may arise.  Neither the specialist, nor his teacher are all that worried.  His teacher even said today that she is used to kids who have mild behavior issues and thanked us for letting her know ahead of time.  She reassured us that we are being proactive by telling her about his behavior up front and getting him into the school that he will likely thrive in.  This did help me with my nervousness, but not completely.

Oh, I know deep down inside that over the past year Ren has matured.  I also know that the way a child acts with their parents differ greatly from how they behave in school or around other people.  I KNOW all of these things and yet here I sit almost in tears worried about weather or not he will make it through an entire school day (we have all day Kindergarten) without incident.  Will he make it through lunch without getting frustrated with opening a package.  Will he make it safely home on the bus?  1,000 questions and no answers, just worries.

I know I probably sound like a worry wart Mom and I guess I am.  I'm trying to "give up" the worry and let it float away.  I'm thinking calming, serene thoughts and envisioning him smiling, happy and having a great time.  I'm trying to be positive despite all my worries.  I'm trying and I guess that's all I can really do.

Do you have any worries or thoughts about your kids returning to school?  Please share so I don't feel like the I'm the only worrisome parent out there.  Thanks!

Oh, and please don't think I'm a super bad parent by not worrying about A as well.  I have my worries about her too, but they aren't nearly as bad as the ones I have for Ren.

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