Have you ever felt selfish? Are you selfish by nature? I know, tough questions from the get-go. Lately, I've been pushing down some very selfish thoughts.
My first selfish thought has been time. Alone time. Me time. I know, everyone needs some. These last two stress filled weeks though, have had me craving alone time. A LOT of alone time. I have had thoughts throughout the day to just go lock myself in the bathroom and take a long bubble bath, ear plugs in, to drown out all the noise of my house. Is this selfish? Oh yeah, very. Realistic? Neh, and I'm okay with it.
Another selfish thought running around in my mind is alone time with Chuck. As any parent can tell you, spouse time is a precious commodity. When had just A, it was easy to go out for "date night". Then we added Ren and it got a little more difficult. Top that off with CS and now we usually have to arrange two separate babysitters (because, to be honest, we have family members who don't like to watch Ren due to his "difficult-ness"). Arranging two sitters is a task to itself and most of the time we just don't arrange time for ourselves. I just sometimes reminsce about the time when Chuck and I still had the freedom to go out whenever we please. THAT is a very selfish thought!
My final selfish thought has been sleep. Yes, I know it's a common Mom complaint. Typically, it doesn't bother me. I've always been the one who could sleep 5 hours or less and be fine. Recently (within the last year), I've become really, really tired! To be honest, I catch cat naps whenever and wherever I can, just to try and win back some of those lost hours of sleep. I also think my lack of sleep is contributing to my lack of energy. So, why is this selfish? Well, because on Saturdays when my kids wake up at their normal time of 7AM, the thought that runs through my head is "Dear Lord, please let them sleep. I'm so exhausted and was up X amount of times last night with each one. I need sleep". That little prayer is selfish. I shouldn't be praying for more sleep, instead I should be thanking God for 3 healthy little people who just woke up and can't wait to see their Mommy!
Now, selfish being what it is, these are just thoughts and complaints of my own. Will I ever get "me time"? Sure, I just need to schedule it in somewhere. Alone time with Chuck? Yes, I'm sure we will get a date night at some point. Oh, and the sleep issue. Well, my motto is I will be able to catch up on sleep once they are all grown up. To be extremely honest though, I'm not looking forward to that day at all.
So, do you have selfish thoughts? Care to share?